Can You Buy Love? Take 2

Money may not be able to buy you love but it definitely going to increase your bargaining power to get you into a relationship (not china dolls this time). Or does it?

Many women in today 21st century know what they want and need. Some of them rather stay single if they can’t find someone who is on par with them in term of ambitions, intelligence, lifestyle, drive and knowledge.

So, what do you say about these women? Materialistic? No? Why do they fall for rich men, then? And to be fair, let’s point our fingers to those men out there regardless whether they are young, old, fat or thin, rich or poor. Why do they prefer younger & beautiful women? Ahh…In fact, I remember reading somewhere that there is a scientific explanation on this.

The sociobiologists claimed that women prefer richer men as it will improve the chances of their offspring's survival. And men prefer younger, better-looking women because they're more fertile.

However, the more fun explanations say that women are cleverer than men and know that it's more fun spending money than earning it, and that men like good-looking girls because those younger girls are more fun to be with.

Well, much have been said but I have come to an understanding that money may / may not help you to buy love, but without money this will contribute to relationship break down. Referring to numerous studies, the second biggest reason for a relationship break down, aside from sex, is - surprise, surprise - money.

What do you think?

Can You Buy Love?

It is always better to find someone who loves you for who you are rather than what you can do for them. Or does it?

I was having a conversation with one of my guy friends the other day over coffee at Indulgence. We were chit chatting about the issues of “China dolls” in Malaysia. Apparently, he said one of the main reasons why sometimes man goes to those “dolls” because they get something from them that their wife or girlfriend can’t provide. This is a very typical example that he can think of:

Husband faces problems in his business / work. Very frustrated. When he got home:

Husband: Dear, the deal didn’t go through. I have failed.
Wife: See see, I told you already but you didn’t listen to me. So, how now? I’ve told you so but you never listen!!!! (Continue nagging…)

If he goes to heaven on earth instead…

Doll: Why do you look so sad today? Anything you want to tell me? (One arm on his shoulder)
Guy: The deal didn’t go through. I have failed.
Doll: It’s ok “lau kong”. Things will be fine. Take your failure this time as a lesson to learn and try again next time…come let’s drink and we go out for supper later, ok?

Huh? It’s not fair because those china dolls are paid to comfort you eventhough she is not truthful.

Or maybe it’s because these guys (single ones) can’t seem to get a girlfriend here since most of the girls in town are either attached or away from home. That’s why they rather pay and get themselves a companion. Ahhh…. Here comes the big question. Can money really buy love? Or if money can’t buy you love, would you rather rent it?

Long Distance Relationship (“LDR”)

Regardless of the teary goodbyes, lonely nights and shocking phone bills there are in fact many LDR around. But, the question is how many do survive?

According to some research done, it suggests that “LDR don't break up at any greater rate than traditional, geographically close ones. Plus, multiple studies have found that LDR couples' levels of relationship satisfaction, intimacy, trust, and commitment are identical to their geographically close counterparts. LDR couples might worry more about infidelity, but they don't actually cheat more.”

I was reading one article the other day regarding LDR from Mary E. Morrison. According to Ms Mary, there are guidelines for LDR survival that helps to reduce long distance distress. The experts has suggested that people in LDR has to make plans ahead. For examples, how long will the separation be and a schedule for expected and surprise visits. This will reduce lots of tension and uncertainty between the two. In fact, these surprise visits will draw the two even closer.

The next guide is to discuss the ground rule. The purpose of this discussion is to lay down rules and set restrictions about interactions with other people that could be a hazard to the relationship. Furthermore, couples who discuss such rules will face less relationship breakdown.

LDR couples (especially new ones) should deal with conflicts immediately. Why is it so? Well, simple as it seems, the distance is already hard enough couple with the lack of body language can results in a disaster if these conflicts are confronted right away. Therefore, in order to eliminate the unnecessary discomfort, communication is the key.

As mentioned earlier, couples in LDR should not be agitated over petty stuff. Couple should remember that they will be exceptionally more sensitive just before and after reunion. So, if the partner tends to be bad-tempered, touchy, grouchy, grumpy and started to pick a fight or finding faults over small things, try to just let it go. Always remember that the distance is already bad enough.

Another useful way is to share your daily life through emails, phone calls and text messages. Sending email twice or more a day can helps reassuring the other half that you still remember them or in fact miss them.

The next advice given by the author is to develop a strong network of friends and family members. Couple who has strong network of friends tends to tolerate and have higher satisfaction in the relationship and in life.

The final advice given is to always stay optimistic. Thinking positive is the LDR greatest friend. Of course, LDR do have its own issues. You have to learn to deal with it and just don’t let other people convince you that LDR don’t work. Mental health is another important factor in making LDR flourishing. Good luck!

Can We Trust Them?

By definition, trust defined as a firm belief in the honesty, goodness of someone or something. So, back to our question above, can we trust them? Who are them? Well, you should know better who I am referring too. Our partner, of course! (Past or present, doesn’t matter).

Trust is a very important element in a relationship. If there is no trust in one relationship, this indirectly means that it was built on lies. Of course, relationship built on lies won’t last. All these are chain reactions from one thing to another.

So, what can we do to have trust in a relationship? Trust me, nothing! It’s all about how you feel. Let your instinct do the talking. I believe instinct is very important. Listen to that little voice inside you. It will tell you what you want. I am not saying that it will always be right and you can choose to ignore it but why not just use it as a guide. You can’t be that wrong, right?

I remember there was this saying; the only way to make a person trustworthy is to trust that person. I didn’t agree at first. But, after much consideration, well, it’s seems right in a way. If you don’t trust that person in the first place, no matter what he/she does, you still won’t believe him/her. Therefore, the first step to eliminate lack of trust is to first give them your trust.

If you trust them, they will be true to you and if you treat them greatly, they will show themselves great! Sometimes I have to agree that things can get quite frustrated when one doesn’t have trust in someone. But always remember this, “you may be deceived if you trust too much but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough”.

So, what do you say?

Dieting Myths Busted (part 2)

Fresh is more healthy than frozen.

Frozen fruits and vegetables produce great options. These fruits and vegetables were picked in the peak of their ripeness, and then frozen. Most of the nutrients would have locked in. However, one drawback of frozen food is that the longer it sits in your refrigerator, less nutritious it will become. The bottom line is to buy frozen (avoid sugar, salt & sauce added) and fresh fruits & vegetables and eat as much as you can.

Grape fruits, celery and cabbage soup helps in burning calories.

This is definitely a myth and is not scientifically proven. These foods, no doubt are low in calories but it definitely doesn’t help in burning them.

Dairy product is bloating.

Dairy product is only bloating for those people with lactose intolerance and irritable bowel syndrome.

Exercise in the morning burn more calories.

It doesn’t. People who exercise in the morning tend to be more consistent with daily work out but do not actually burn more calories than people who exercise in the evening or afternoon.

You crave when your body needs something.

Myth again. You crave due to many reasons. You crave for what you like to eat or smell or when you see other people eating. Besides that, hormonal changes are also one of the reasons for craving.

Weighing scale is the best indicator of weight loss.

Weighing scale might be the simplest and encouraging method to check on your progress. However, there are also other ways that helps such as taking body measurement with a measurement tape, test body fats, compare personal photos or even assess the fitness of your clothing.

Last but not least, weight lifting makes you bulky.

No. I can tell you it doesn’t. An appropriate weight lifting will build up muscle mass and increase lean body mass. Thus, burning more calories. These help in losing weights and enable you to eat more.

Happy dieting!

Dieting Myths Busted

People who are close to me know that I am very paranoid with my weights. And I am not surprise that sometimes I tend to irritates them whenever I asked, “Do I look fat in this dress? Am I fat?” Yes, babes, I know I am a bit annoying. Ha ha ha…

Well, in today 21st Century, most modern women would love to stay slim and thin. Thanks to those skinny models in the magazines & fashion shows. We have perceived that this is what we call the norm and acceptable to the society. “SLIM & THIN”. Yes, I know Milan refused to ban those skinny models from the catwalk. I don’t blame them. They are the “in” thing in the fashion world now.

So, in order to lose some weights, we women have tried every single way to achieve our objectives. Atkins diets, exercising regularly, using slimming tea / pills, counting calories in our head every time before we eat (yeah, we do!!) and etc. Some even go to the extent of spending thousands of Ringgit on slimming packages / programs from Unisense, Marie France and other slimming salon.

However, some may still complain that these programs or ways of losing weights does not generate any positive results. Even if it does, it’s not permanent. So, what really went wrong? After doing some research online, I found this article written by Joy Bauer. According to her, there are 10 dieting myths that we have overlooked.

Winner: Skipping breakfast helps in losing weights.

Sorry, girls. Breakfast skipping does not help to “save” your calories intake. In fact, it was proven that the breakfast eater weight lesser than the breakfast skipper. Of course, in condition it’s a healthy breakfast. Why is it so? Well, breakfast skipper tend to overeat after dinner.

Colonics helps to lose weights.

Ah, another myth busted. Nope, it doesn’t. Colonics will only dehydrate you. Therefore, you will only lose the water weights but not the fat weights. The weights lost will come back for good after a few glasses of fluid.

Late night supper will turn straight to fats.

Not really true. If the overall calories intake is appropriate for weight loss, these late calories will be burned the next day or even while sleeping. Besides, eating constantly will helps to stabilized blood sugar and results in less craving for food. However, try not to consume more than 250 calories for your late night supper.

Any type of water is better than soda.

Check the label on the bottle. Some of the brand has sugar in it. Drink wisely.

Rumors and You

According to some experts, they say that the biggest mistake in life one can make is to constantly worrying that you will make one. Many people these days, especially women, still go around in their heels worrying about what other people think, see or say about them.

We always want them to see us as a perfect friend, good mother, and devoted partner, attractive & understanding girlfriend and of course the list goes on and differs but all this still boils down to one thing. We want to be liked by everyone. In order to achieve this, we tend to let other people tell us what to do, what to wear, what to say and how to behave in order to fit in the society. In the process of pleasing other people, we might make some good friends as well as some enemies but one thing for sure, we would have lost our accountability for our own decisions and fail to realise what we really want and need as an individual. In summary, we have lost ourselves!

“They said that I was flirting with him while I was just being a nice friend!! Can’t two people from the opposite sex be just good friend rather than having an affair? Enough is enough!!” protested one of my blogger friends. This is one of the many examples of what will happen if you are not careful when socializing with opposite sex in a small town. People tend to talk about you when you get too close with someone. Rumors go around from mouth to mouth. Seriously, what the heck is wrong with these people? Are they jealous of you? Or do they just talk for the sake of being in the centre of attention i.e.: Being the one with the juicy information and hot gossips.

Seriously, I don’t know how to comfort my friend at all. In fact, I was wondering why she takes it so hard when she knows that it is not true at all. Well, here comes the big bang answer, she has been taking the rumors too personally.

One way to overcome this kind of situation is to try not to take that criticism or rumors personally. Once you are immune to the actions or opinion of others, you won’t spend your day sitting down worrying what other people will think about you or whining why people talk about it. Of course it’s easier to say than done. But we have to learn not to rely on other opinions too much and take charge of the situation.

Lastly, it’s not about the rumors that you should be focusing on. It’s about how you decide to handle the situation. Ultimately, the idea is to not let these rumors or opinions “hurt” you because this might be the culprit’s intention after all. Buckle up, sisters!